The Elephant in the Room.

Lets talk about the elephant in the room. No, lets shout about him and invite him into our conversations. He’s a bit shy and used to be ignored, but his voice is invaluable. Surely he deserves to be, at the very least, acknowledged? He’s old and tattered and grey. But don’t forget about the elephant he used to be. That blue and white and strong animal that we used to admire before he was silenced. What does your elephant look like? What secrets is he holding close?

Trauma? Anxiety? Depression? Everyone has an elephant which seems to trail behind them and pulls up a seat at the very back of each room and space they find themselves. Society has conditioned us to hide these huge worries and illnesses. The stigma around mental health is still very much lingering and until we all unite and break the silence, I’m afraid it will remain. Do we really want to watch our friends and family suffer alone because they are too afraid to admit they are struggling? Do we really want children to learn that it’s not okay to not be okay? Prevention is better than cure and if we address mental health early on, we can restrict the amount of young minds being tortured by mental anguish. Wouldn’t it be life altering to sit next to someone and ask them how they are and have an honest response? Let me tell you that anyone can come pull up a chair with their tusked friend and talk to me. I welcome you.

I have numerous elephants and maybe a herd would be more representative of my humongous friends. Yes you read that right, my friends. Long gone is the fear of my emotional baggage and my traumatic past. I can happily sit with them and debate openly my long list of dysfunctional urges. I give them time and space and a warm smile. They can tell me their horrors and their negative self beliefs. And because I’m so comfortable, I will no longer try to hide them from people because it’s not only hard to hide multiple elephants, it’s also empowering to let them out. Isn’t is so uncomfortable sitting in a room with people and having to pretend you’re okay? Having to force a smile or force yourself to eat a piece of cake to fit in. Sitting there with food within your stomach and your elephant stamping his foot in anger at your inability to say that food is still an issue. Your mind jumping to ideas about compensating later. If you just said out loud that this piece of cake was making you feel uncomfortable then it would free you of having to deal with the torment alone. Your friend opposite you then has the information to support you through this. 

From experience I’ve found that even saying the words “I’m anxious” can release me from most of my internal anxiety. Saying out loud that I’m having a flashback can help to ground me because I am then becoming aware of the room around me. I can then identify that this person isn’t my abuser but a friend. The world becomes clearer and safer. And you know what? I feel better for sharing and knowing I’m not alone in this battle. It’s not easy to be honest about emotions especially when we don’t want to feel the things we do. Anger is judged as violent and bad. Anxiety is brushed off as unnecessary. Depressed people just need to cheer up. And happy people need to be quiet because they are irritating. The messages we are given from a young age are that we are not allowed to be anything other than okay. But sometimes we forget the purpose of the emotions. Anxiety protects us from harm. Anger wins us justice. Sadness helps us to identify our needs. And happiness lets us know something is rewarding and enjoyable. They are all important and all need validation from birth until death (and beyond if your belief extends further). We are all human after all. 

I promise you that it’s okay to feel whatever you feel. Don’t be afraid of replying honestly to a question. Invite your elephant to sit beside you and give it a voice. He can still be hidden away when needed but don’t be afraid to let him toot. You might just surprise yourself.